Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Well, Hello There, Stranger...


It's hard to believe that it's been over a year since the last time I updated this blog! I just finished scanning through the previous posts, and the voice speaking sounds so foreign to me, now. So much has happened to propel my life forward and, as I look back on what used to bother me a year ago, it all seems so trivial.

Last fall was a time for shedding old skin and moving forward. I turned 30, got a tattoo (see this post's picture), and just ditched a deadbeat. For the first time in my life, I felt independent, successful, and best of all, happy. All of this was achieved by purging toxic individuals from my life - a decision I will never regret. For the past 10 years of my romantic life, I've been attracted to men who are somehow broken and thus, toxic. If he was a starving, melancholy artist, who was misunderstood and had a piece of his soul missing, I was smitten. It wasn't until about this time last year that I met MG and realized I did deserve someone who wasn't selfish, melodramatic, or arrogant. Sometimes, I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming about the fact that I have found someone selfless, genuine, respectful, and best of all - WHOLE.

I didn't intend for this to happen, but this segues nicely into the choice I made for the above-mentioned tattoo. When I explain this to others, I tell them that the bass clef represents my ex-husband. On the surface, this makes sense, because, well, he was a bassist. I thought he was "Mr. Right" (notice the location of the symbol). The upside-down treble clef represents the relationship just after my divorce. He was 'trouble,' (thus the treble) and he turned my life upside-down. When the two symbols combine, they form the shape of a heart. This symbolizes that the two of them were only half of what I needed in a lover. They were also men who could never love anyone else more than they loved themselves. Deep down, I knew this, which is why neither of them acquired my entire heart (refer to John Mayer's song 'Half of My Heart' to get the whole picture). It wasn't until I explained this to MG that the meaning of the tattoo came full circle. He represents that heart - the whole heart - with all of its imperfections, and he's the first man I've met who is worthy of receiving all of the love it holds. That's kind of a big deal.

I know I began this post with the intention of summarizing my year for you, but instead, it has shifted into a mini-lesson on symbolism. I'd heard the quote, "Life's a journey, not a destination," but I never took it seriously until recently. While it seems that my journey over the past few years has been more like a tornado ripping through a volcano (thanks, Eminem, for that visual), I've been fortunate enough to create a solid foundation from the wreckage. It's only taken me a year or so to fully realize it, and of course, it does help to have someone beside you who also likes to build and reminds you that it's all worth it...

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